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Tuesday, Nov. 16, 2004 - 12:53 pm

This has got to be the scariest looking doll I've ever seen. I don't know if it's the seemingly alive and possessed by evil looking eyes or the fact that it has teeth, but this thing creeps me the hell out. I saw it on Ebay while looking for something else and it made my insides shift uncomfortably.

So of course I had to share it.

But that's not why I'm here.

I need to vent some serious venom regarding harrassment I'm receiving from Wells-Fargo. I bought John a guitar last August. Granted, I couldn't afford it, but he promised to help pay for it by giving up his allowance for several months - plus, he's my baby and I love him, so what else could I do? With shipping it came up to over $800. Some other things happened in the meantime and I was late making the first payment, and the second, so I combined them and sent them out with this month's payment on Monday, November 8. I have gotten five calls from those harrassing assholes since then wanting to know where the check is. Apparently IQs drop sharply between one business day and the next, because three of those calls have happened three days in a row and each time I'm telling the caller the same thing; I had a setback but the check has been sent and there will be no more late payments. it's obvious no note is being left in their computer system because the calls keep coming. I'm expecting the sixth call tomorrow. Finally, I got angry about it today and let the snotty operator who called me have it with both barrels because this has gone beyond ridiculous. Five calls in a single week is not an inquiry - it's harrassment.

'I sent the check a week ago', I told her. 'It's not my fault it hasn't gotten there yet. I have no control over what happens with the US Postal Service, and since as I mentioned, the check was mailed last week, the problem is obviously with them, so I suggest you call and work it out with them because I'm not writing another check until I know what happened with that one.'

Her response? She wants a copy of both sides of the check.

Our bank doesn't include the cancelled checks in their statements any more. Besides that, I checked with my bank and they haven't heard a peep about it. Now, if they don't have it, the guitar site doesn't have it, and Wells-Fargo doesn't have it, where the fuck does she expect me to get copies of it?

Tell ya what. I'll just reach up my ass and get it from the copier I have right next to that huge bag of money I hide behind my colon.

Better still - since I'm going to be up there anyway, I'll just grab some money from the bag and pay that sumbitch off, how 'bout it? Are tens and twenties okay?

Fucking stupid people.

So now I'm going to give the check one more day to show up, which means calling the bank tomorrow, the prospect of which I look forward to with the approximate enthusiasm with which I anticipate my next gynocological exam, checking to see if the payment has been submitted, and if not, putting a stop-payment on the check (accruing yet another fee I can't afford), and writing out another payment. Then taking yet another barrage of calls from Hells-Barfo while we wait to see if that one arrives at it's intended destination.

I didn't sign up for this. I just wanted to buy John a guitar and make him happy. I didn't intend to fall behind but sometimes it happens, and when I say I have sent payment I do expect a grace period blissfully free of collection calls, to allow the payment to show up. Two weeks would suffice. Or even one, you obnoxious bastards.

The check truly is in the mail. Call and harrass the USPS because I'm not taking any more calls about this. Talk to my machine.

Here endeth the rant.

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