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Tuesday, Nov. 09, 2004 - 11:45 pm

Changed things around again, just to see if I could get rid of that lopsided look. Again, I'm happy with it. The heading looks great, the lines are nice, it's all pretty well organized and I even had a place for my 'Passions' button and my little linebacker button. Shweeeeet! There's probably a bit too much black and blue for some folks' tastes (I remember frequent nastiness about that on the Rude Reviews site), but they're my two favorite colors so I always end up working with them. Or grey. I love me some grey. Big time.

I read on the internet the other day that a lot of the drugs people are getting for lowering cholesterol seem to have one major side effect in common; kidney damage. This did not a happy girly make. I have a family history of all kinds of heart and cholesterol nasties (and atrocious eating habits, so some of it is my fault too), and test high for bad cholesterol so my doctor really wants me to stay on it, in spite of my protests. I'd just as soon not take it. The way I see it, Lipitor is just one more chemical floating around in a body controlled by a mind that doesn't even want to take anything for a headache until nausea ensues or a blackout is imminent. I don't want a lot of chemicals in my body. I'm trying to build a temple here.

Unfortunately, my temple is fairly close to being condemned, as my cruddy habits are hanging on despite my transition to the veggie diet. I don't know why, especially because I know it's bad for me, but I still eat a lot of stuff that is seriously non-nutritive. Up until recently I've skidded by but my last tests results were hideous and if I'm going to avoid some serious complications I need to start taking better care of the physical part of me now. Besides, I've been assured by three doctors that if I get my weight under control my diabetes will go away. Adult type 2 is brought on by lifestyle, so shed the lifestyle and the condition goes with it. Logical. Only my brain and body fight over it constantly.

Brain: Now you know you don't need that sugary stuff right now.
Body: must...have...chocolate...
Brain: But...
Body: F*** YOU!!!!

And that's as far as brain gets before body pimp slaps her, gives her the silent treatment and does whatever the hell she wants anyway. Body is a real jerk some days.

It's really hard to deny myself the sugar even though I know how dangerous it can be, but I've actually done pretty well the last couple of days. Watched my portions, tested more often, avoided stuff with a lot of sugar in it and drank lots of water. Water is a big help. I'm too busy running to the bathroom to cram sweets. I need to work something out so that I can get regular exercise and perhaps drop a few pounds off of my tank-ass too. That's far easier said than done, though. I start exercising with the best of intentions and end up with the kids literally hanging off of me and can't get anything done. Zoe screeches like a scalded cat and follows me around until I pick her up and I have to keep stopping to pull Trent out of things. Zoe's the real showstopper, however. Once I've given in and picked her up boggie time is pretty much over unless she squeals herself exhausted and takes a nap (which happens approximately once in every fifty or so tantrums). I really need an assistant. Unfortunately, I didn't read the fine print in my mommy job description. If I had I would have known ahead of time that personal assistants are not part of the benefits package.

I do need to work something out, though. I have to be better than this because right now I'm setting a bad example for the kids by not taking charge and doing something about it. I certainly don't want them dealing with it.

Besides, I loves mah baybuhs. I want to be around to take care of them. And hubbins. I loves him too.

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